20. In Which Letters are Read, Mum Gives Good Advice and Everyone Has a Good Cry..

 In Which Letters are Read, Mum Gives Good Advice and Everyone has a Good
                                               Cry.

                                         Episode 20

Pete sat in his bedroom reading all his old letters. A few from a girl called Julie, some from a young bright eyed thing known as Liz and then a great chocolate box full of letters from Alice. Memories stirred within him and he emptied the box on the floor and began to read. Trembling, shy halting letters to begin with, when she had not known if he loved her, gradually growing stronger and stronger as time went on."I’ve never loved anyone before like this, and I never will again. I hope this doesn’t sound daft written down, but it is what I mean. I’ll always, always love you, even if you stop loving me."

He felt something on his face and brushed it away, staring at the wet streak on his hand ridiculously – it was a tear and more were blurring his eyes so he could read no more. He bent and kissed the letter."I won’t stop loving you," he whispered, "but you don’t care anymore," and he looked sadly at the glistening engagement ring, cushioned on satin, until it too blurred into a meaningless mass of shooting stars.



***

Alice was crying again. Mrs Greenway woke up and listened, then impetuously got out of bed and walked down the landing to her room. In her hand she held the long forgotten letter that she had kept from her daughter. Its secret lay heavily upon her conscience. She opened the door.

"Alice love, please don’t be so unhappy."

Alice sat up startled, she was going to say something hurtful but her mother went on in a quivering voice.
"There’s something I’ve got to give you. I should have done it a long time ago. There are a lot of things I should have done but didn’t. I know you hate me now, but I still love you in spite of all I’ve done to you. You're my daughter.  I just wanted the best for you."
She gave Alice the letter and watched her read it.
"I knew about this," she said clutching it to her, "he told me ages ago."
"Oh, you’ve seen him since?"
"Of course I’ve seen him. I love him, nothing could keep us apart. I love him and he – he loved me," she said, her voice breaking.
"Loved?" asked her mother.
"He’s with someone else. We were engaged, I had a ring. But not now. About 8 months ago and I still love and miss him so much." She burst into tears and her mother held her tightly.

"I’m so sorry Alice. It was all my fault. I don’t know why I did it," she was also close to tears now. "I thought he didn’t love you, that you were too young, that he was no good. But you’ve been so unhappy that I’ve changed my mind. You’re getting so thin, so ill. He might not be at Oxford but if he will make you well and happy again that’s all I ask. Go and find him Alice, I was a fool to think I could stop you."
"But it’s too late," said Alice bitterly. "He loves someone else. I can never get him back now."

Mrs Greenway looked at her troubled daughter. "Alice," she said seriously. "I believe he still loves you. So he’s going out with another girl? Well. You’ve had lots of boyfriends, and now Phil, and yet you still love Pete. Write to him, ask him. You don’t know how he feels. He is probably putting on a brave face, just like you are."

And then a faint glimmer of hope was born in Alice’s heart, which began to burn steadily and determinedly.

***

It was ten o’ clock the following evening. The party was really going now, everyone was laughing and shouting happily. Alice stood with Phil in a dark corner, with a bottle of cider between them. She was laughing gaily at a joke he had just told her. Then she saw Miff. Her body stiffened. Miff – maybe Pete was here. Her eyes looked around searchingly and she was not disappointed. He had obviously just arrived -–oh how she loved him as he stood there, how she longed to run to him and tell him, but she just had to stand there and watch him with Maria. Without realising it, the tears started rolling down her cheeks.

"What’s the matter?" Phil asked.
"Pete’s here," she said. "I’m sorry Phil, I won’t be much company right now. I just want to go home and have a good cry. Go with someone else or something – only just leave me alone right now." She slipped past him. Miff said hello to her and she heard the girl he was with ask who she was.
"Oh, just a girl Pete went out with once," he told her casually.

That hurt her more than anything. She turned away quickly and wiped her eyes. She leaned rather unsteadily against a wall until she felt a strange urge to look up. She did so and found she was looking into Pete’s eyes from far across the room. They seemed to be boring into her, reading all her secrets. She returned the gaze for a moment, trying to convey in a single glance all she was feeling and then she turned and ran from the room.
Pete watched her go excitedly. Deep down in his heart something was saying,

‘She loves me, she still loves me.’ Suddenly he was speaking to Maria.
"Stay there, I’ll be back in a minute" and then he hurriedly made his way across the room and out of the door Alice had gone through. It was dark outside and it took his eyes sometime to adjust to the lack of light. He walked around for a minute or two and then he heard the sound of a sob coming from somewhere on his right. He moved towards it until he found her. She was sitting on the cold damp grass, her head cradled in her arms, her shoulders shaking as she cried.

He stood watching her, almost too scared to make a movement in case he had been mistaken and she sent him away. Then gently he laid his hand on her shoulder. For a second she sat immobile, and then slowly, terribly slowly, she turned to face him. For what seemed eternity they stared at one another and then they were in each other’s arms, caught in a frantic outburst of love and desire. Each was trying to tell the other of the pent up misery of the past eight months, trying to express the pain and the unhappiness they had been through. Eventually they grew quieter and just sat, holding one another tightly. Pete stroked Alice’s hair.
"I love you, I love you," he told her again and again. "That girl I was with – it didn’t mean a thing. No-one did."

"I only wanted you," she told him. "The others didn’t matter. I just wanted you."

She felt so happy that she did not know how to express it – run – jump – fly. Nothing would be enough. Then she remembered the good news.
"Pete – my mum, she doesn’t mind anymore. It’s all right now. She’s the one who told me she thought you still loved me when I didn’t believe it. She told me to go to you, to be happy. And she was right."
He sat up abruptly and reached in his pocket.
"Then everything’s worked out. I said it would one day didn’t I? And, by the way, do you want this back?" He slipped the ring back on her finger and she looked at it the tears of happiness in her eyes reflecting in the stones.

"Thank you – it belongs there now doesn’t it?"

"It always has," he replied kissing her, "and it always will."
For a long time they sat close together whispering and talking to each other, all the things they had wanted to say for so long, all the things so close to their hearts. Gradually they realised how cold it was and how damp the grass was. An onlooker, such as the girl in the maroon leather with medium length dark blonde hair and glasses, would have seen a boy pulling a girl to her feet and walking hand in hand back towards the party. Their voices, low and tender, floated on the still, crisp air.
"I love you."

"Forever."
Then tears blurred the watching girl’s eyes and fell sparkling to the ground so she did not see them stop and kiss slowly, then walk deeply contented into the warmth and light spilling from the open door.

THE END

　



　
　

　

　
　
　
　

　
　
　
　

19.In Which Alice Needs a Good Square Meal, Mrs Greenway Feels Guilty and a Bit of Eavesdropping Means Phil Get's His Leg Over.....

In Which Alice Needs a Good Square Meal, Mrs Greenway Feels Guilty and a Bit of Eavesdropping Means Phil Gets His Leg Over .........

Episode 19.

Seven months later Mrs Greenway looked anxiously at her daughter, as she pushed her dinner away. Alice had grown so pale and thin these last few months. She had flitted from boy to boy like a butterfly, yet never stayed long – a week or two and then she was gone, searching for someone else. Her work had gone steadily downhill and she often truanted from college. She did not eat enough to keep a sparrow alive. And then last night Mrs Greenway had been wakened by the sound of crying, and had crept along to Alice’s bedroom where she found the door ajar. She pushed it open quietly. Alice was sitting on the windowsill, the window open letting in the crisp frosty night air. Her face was raised to the sky, bathing in the cold moonlight.

"Pete, Pete," she was saying brokenly. "How could you hurt me so, oh how I need you now." Then the tears started again and her words tumbled from her quivering mouth, pleading and begging. Her mother moved as if to comfort her, but then stopped. How could she comfort her daughter when she, herself was responsible. She turned away unhappily and lay awake for a long time thinking.
She remembered all this now at the dinner table and impetuously put her arm around Alice’s thin shoulders. She wanted to tell her how sorry she was, tell her to go to Pete and be happy again. But the words would not come.

"Please eat your dinner love," she said sadly.

"I don’t want it," Alice replied. "I’m just not hungry anymore."

***

She met her present boyfriend that evening. He was called Rob and he was tall and blond with the best mod haircut she had ever seen. And she knew she was going to give him up. Boys meant nothing to her any more, a week, maybe two and then she tired of them. She was aching with a need, a terrible need for Pete. Each time she saw him she died a little more inside. He seemed so happy without her. He had not gone out with Sally for long and had wandered around aimlessly for the first few weeks but now he seemed pretty well settled down. He went out with a girl called Maria, who wore a maroon leather, was tall with medium length dark blond hair and glasses. She was attractive and they looked so happy together that Alice cried to think of it. Occasionally she saw them at parties or dances, Maria holding the hand that used to hold hers, owning the love that he had vowed to give to Alice for ever. She could not bear it.

She and Rob went to the cellar bar where they were greeted loudly by the Stroud mods; Derek, Yogi, John, Bern, Bob, Phil and many others.

"Where shall we go?" asked Phil. "anyone know of any parties?" He looked enquiringly around.

"Yeah, there’s one at Kings Stanley," replied Yogi. "Should be all right."

"Let’s go then," said John in his London accent, as he got to his feet. They went out into the cold night air and both she and Robin were given lifts as Robin did not own a scooter.

The party was a good one and as usual Alice drank heavily to try and drown her sorrow. She and Rob were sitting on a mattress sharing a dish of peanuts between them when Phil and Yogi came over to join them. Alice barely heard the conversation, her head was spinning so much. She kept giggling stupidly. Then she heard a few words spoken by Phil.

"Saw Pete yesterday, we had a laugh. He was telling me about Maria, they were in bed once and she …….." The world roared in her ears.

"Stop it," she screamed, hitting out at him. "Shut up, don’t say it."

She got to her feet and ran, staggering slightly, outside, away from those terrible words. Pete, her own Pete, in bed with someone else, loving someone else. Of course she had known he and Maria must have slept together, but this was the first time she had heard for sure. She had closed her mind to the obvious truth. A boy grabbed hold of her in the darkness but she kicked him viciously and stumbled on, the tears rolling in great heaving sobs down her cheeks.

Suddenly she heard footsteps running behind her and catching her up. She looked around and saw it was Phil.

"Hey I’m really sorry Alice," he said simply. "I didn’t know you still liked him so much. Thought it was all over."

She clung onto him, sobbing, and telling him how she felt. Phil was a bit older than the rest of them and thought himself something special but you couldn’t help liking him. Slowly the pain died a little and before long he was kissing her. He had the same masterful way about him that Pete had. He knew what he wanted and went all out to get it. He was different to the boys she had been out with since Pete, all rushing to oblige her and to be careful not to hurt her. Phil would stand no nonsense and that was the way it should be, the way Pete had been. She was not particularly surprised to find herself in a bedroom with him but what did it matter? How she had got there she could not remember. The bed was warm and inviting and she did not refuse its invitation. Phil with a rough kind of tenderness pulled her towards him, kissing her strongly. She murmured against his mouth and clutched at him. But the name she called out silently within her head was not his. It was Pete’s.

***

She went out with Phil. It was funny but she had not expected that to happen. He was very much a one night stand person, but here she was with him. Four weeks, and she felt quite happy about the arrangement. He knew she did not love him and she never expected love from him, but that seemed to suit both of them. He had the same kind of temperament as Pete, what he said usually went, and she looked up to him for guidance. They looked good together which satisfied his vanity. She knew he went with other girls occasionally but it didn’t seem to matter, not when he was kissing her and she could shut her eyes and imagine it was Pete.

                  
                                                          ***
to be continued

18. In Which a Baby Goes Missing and is Found and We Meet Dave and Sally and Wish We Hadn't......

In Which a Baby Goes Missing and is Found and we Meet Dave and Sally and Wish We Hadn't......

Episode 18

A week went by and Jane slowly but surely began to recover physically but not mentally. Alice worried about her a great deal, for once when she had gone to visit they had been alone.

"Alice," Jane had said. "I wanted my baby so much, so very very much. It was just before the crash that it all became real. I suddenly knew that I loved it and wanted it – and now it’s dead. I just don’t know what to do. I am so sad. No-one realises, they think it’s a good thing to happen."

It was difficult for Alice to know what to say, as she also found it difficult to understand how Jane was feeling.

"When you get married you can have lots of babies," she replied sincerely. That one would have had an unhappy life, it really was for the best." But the words sounded wrong and she knew they gave no comfort.

"No! You don’t understand either. I loved it, I loved it." Jane cried out and a nurse came in and asked Alice to leave as the patient was getting disturbed.

***

Alice saw Pete three times that week and also started at the Art College. Now life was much easier. They could meet every dinner time whenever they wished and occasionally for a short while after college.
The days seemed to fly past. She loved the Art College with its free and easy atmosphere that was so different from the stultifying school days she had been used to.

One day they met as usual in The Clarence coffee bar where all the mods went. As they finished their egg and chips Pete suddenly caught hold of Alice’s hand.

"I’ve got something for you," he said excitedly and she felt the ring slip onto her finger. She took her hand from his and looked at the sparkling engagement ring nestling there.

"Pete," she breathed. "We really are engaged. I love you so. I really love you. It’s beautiful, thank you so much."

"I bought it this morning," he told her happily. "Yes, we really are engaged. Not the most romantic place, but I couldn’t wait." He leant over the Formica topped table and gave her a quick kiss. "Soon it’ll be a golden one." He reached for both her hands and held them tightly between his.

***

Jane was walking around the town. She had come out of hospital a week ago and was still convalescing. She bought some mascara and a hair colour shampoo and then decided to go home, as she was still feeling tired. As she walked down towards the bus station she passed a tiny baby lying in its pram. She stopped to look at it and its big dark eyes stared at her, fringed by long black lashes. It looked so soft and warm that she longed to pick it up and hold it, just for a moment. She looked around, the mother was in the shop somewhere, nobody was watching her.

She leaned over quickly and with a quick scoop of her arms lifted the baby from its pram and ran down the street with it. She crossed the road and vanished into the church park where she left the neatly spaced flower beds and mown lawns, hiding among the bushes and trees which stood at one end against a high stone wall. She could hear people shouting and running but she ignored them and turned her attentions to the baby she was holding so tightly. He was not crying, but lay quite peacefully in her arms. She started talking to him and he began to chuckle and gurgle gleefully.

"Oh, you lovely, lovely baby," said Jane happily. "You’re coming to live with me now because you’re so sweet." She crooned gently to it and then the shouts grew louder and louder in her ears and were all around her. She clutched the baby to her, trying to protect it and then a large policeman loomed over her. She looked hopelessly around for a way of escape and then began to cry.
                                                 ****

A month passed. Jane grew completely well again under treatment by a psychiatrist. Alice and Pete continued seeing each other as often as possible without their parent’s knowledge. Alice was very happy at Art College and enjoyed the work immensely. The girls and boys she worked with were very friendly and everyone got on with everyone else.

She was especially noticed by a boy called Dave. He was a mod, quite tall and good looking. His hair was brown, matching his deep-set, serious eyes, which often gazed at Alice as she worked.

She never wore her engagement ring in college as she did not want it to get spoilt or lost so she wore it on a chain round her neck, underneath her clothes. Dave often wondered if she had any boyfriends or went out with anyone seriously but he had never seen or heard of her being with anyone. He often talked to her and she seemed to like him. He decided to ask her out and to tell her how he felt and waited impatiently for a time when he could catch her alone.

Alice came back from lunch in a bad mood. She and Pete had just had a row over some trivial matter. She couldn’t even remember what had started it now. She sighed unhappily, they had been rowing a lot the last few weeks, over nothing in particular. She supposed it was the tension of having to creep around like criminals and having to keep everything, even their engagement, a secret. They had not been able to sleep together for over three weeks now and they longed for each miserably.

She went up the stairs until she reached the Display Studio where she was working on a window with one other girl. The place was deserted as she had come back early because of the row. Idly she began to drape some silver cloth in the window and then suddenly she became aware of someone watching her. She looked up into the serious eyes of Dave Jefferies.

"Oh Hi Dave," she said, "you gave me a fright appearing like that." He moved forward, still looking at her.

"Sorry," he said, "I didn’t mean to scare you."

"It’s okay," she replied, wondering why he was acting in such a strange, awkward manner. She soon knew.

"Er – I’ve been wanting to talk to you for ages. I was wondering if – well – if you’d go out with me tonight – or another night." He stopped and looked anxiously at her. She started when she heard his words. She had not realised that he had felt that way about her.

"Oh Dave, I’m sorry Dave but I am already going out with someone – steady – in fact I’m engaged." She pulled at the chain around her neck and showed him the ring.
"I should have realised – but I never saw you with anyone - ." He stopped lamely and stared at her.

"No you wouldn’t," she explained. "He lives in Gloucester, he’s a mod of course. We’ve been forbidden to go out with each other so we have to keep it very quiet."

"Wait!" Dave broke in. "Aren’t you the girl who ran away not long ago? I thought I’d seen you somewhere before."

"Yes, that’s me!" admitted Alice. "Quite famous."
They talked for a while longer and then he looked at her seriously.

"You’re sure then – you won’t go out with me. Not even just for a quick coffee?"

"I love Pete," was all she said and he sighed.

"If you ever change your mind, just let me know won’t you?" he asked, before he left her and went back to the picture he was painting. It was of a girl with blond carefree hair and laughing blue eyes. [Author's Note - please feel free to throw up at that bit!!]

***

Pete went to The Ace that evening with Miff. He felt miserable about the stupid argument he and Alice had had, and he wanted to see her and put everything right again. Miff met his girlfriend, and she had a friend with her, small, dark and quite pretty. They all talked for a while until the group came on and then Miff and Jill started dancing. The girl stood there awkwardly, not quite sure what to do and Pete thought he had better dance with her. One dance led to another and before he know what was happening she had attached herself to him. He bought her a drink or two and had quite a few himself.

Through this new, rosy haze he took a long look at her. She really was very pretty. Much prettier than he had first thought; her clothes were very mod and she was fun to talk to. It really was very difficult, she was obviously expecting him to go with her, and so was Miff. But he did not want to two-time Alice, and remembered with horror what had happened last time he had met a girl in a club. He made an excuse and left her for a moment to find Miff.

"Hey Miff," he said, "about this girl – "

"Yeah – about this girl. Why the fuck haven’t you knocked her off yet? What you waiting for, she’s a cracking bit of stuff. Poor girl doesn’t know what’s wrong. Get with her, you prat! I told Jill you’d go with her friend and all you’ve done is dance with her a couple of times and then just stand there looking stupid."

"But I happen to be engaged to Alice," said Pete angrily. "I can’t do that to her."

"Don’t be so tied down and under the thumb," sneered Miff. "It’s only for a night, she’ll never know. She’s really got you hooked hasn’t she? You’re still a young bloke – fuck off and have some fun. She’s up for it, look at her, can’t take her eyes off you."
Pete went miserably back to the girl and stood by her. Miff’s words were ringing in his ears, ‘she’s really got you hooked hasn’t she’. Angrily he put his arm round her shoulders, roughly pulling her towards him.

***

Alice paid the 2/6d at the door of The Ace to get in, and went straight to the Ladies to do her hair and reapply lipstick. She felt happy, Pete would be surprised to see her and they could make it up again. She had told her mother she was going to a party given by one of the art students, and would not be home till late, if at all. She felt a thrill of longing pass over her, hopefully she would be spending the night in Pete’s arms. She listened to the music crashing out above her, and hummed along with it. Then satisfied
with her appearance she made her way up the narrow stairs.

She stood in the entrance, looking into the darkness and flashing lights, a blue smoky haze hanging in the hot pulsating air. She tried to make out faces she knew, and especially Pete but her eyes were not yet used to the gloom. Walking into the room she looked quickly at the band. Then she noticed Dave standing with another student, near the band. She nodded briefly to him and turned away into the dancing mass to try and find Pete. Gladly she caught sight of Miff and Jill sitting on one of benches. She made her way over to them and wondered where Pete was, hoping he hadn’t decided to have a night in. A couple were sitting on the next bench and she had to step over their legs to reach Miff. He looked up from kissing Jill and, instead of looking pleased to see her, gasped with fright.

"Pete – oh I don’t know – over there – somewhere – I think." She stared at him in surprise, turned in the direction he pointed to, and then something made her look behind her, into Pete’s face, Pete’s lips kissing another girl. She went cold all over and stood there, watching, until the agonisingly long kiss finished. For a moment their eyes met, his full of shocked surprise, hers with uncomprehending pain. Back flooded all the hurtful things he had said to her earlier in the day, and also all the lies and promises he had told her about never, ever wanting anyone else, that she was the only one. With an angry painful sob she clutched at the ring on her finger and dragged it off. She went up to him – to them, and stood looking down where they still sat, almost entwined.

"Here you are," she said bitterly. "You can give it to her instead. It’ll save you buying another one."

"Alice," he said desperately, "Alice, its nothing, I love you." But she threw the ring at him, turned and stumbled blindly away.

On her hurried exit she blundered into Dave. Without really thinking what she was doing she looked at him with a smile fixed woodenly on her face.
"Hi Dave," she said in a horrible effort of gayness. "I’ve changed my mind." And laughingly she fell into his welcoming arms.

***

The evening passed in an ugly mask of pretence. Alice laughing much too loud, talking far too fast and noisily, drinking drink after drink. Pete was pretending to Miff that he didn’t care a damn what Alice did and proclaiming in a loud voice that she’d come running to him in the morning. The only two people who were happy were Dave, and the girl who Pete now knew was called Sally.

She had always liked Pete, and had been jealous of Alice although she did not know her personally, only by sight – and now here she was with Pete whilst Alice had gone off with another boy and returned the engagement ring. She looked happily at Pete, he did not seem to care about what had happened, now maybe he would go out with her. She tightened her arm around his waist and sighed with pleasure as she told him that her parents had gone away for the weekend.

A month passed by. Pete still went out with Sally and Alice with Dave. But the ache in their hearts was very acute and lonely. They needed each other but that foolish feeling known as pride kept them from seeing the truth.

To be continued.......

17.In Which There is a Nasty Accident, a Lost Baby and Alice is Nearly Led Astray...

Episode 17.

In Which There is a Nasty Accident, a Lost Baby and Alice is Nearly Led Astray!

Jane and Ray sped along the road on the scooter. For the first time for weeks Jane felt happy. Whatever else happened, Ray would stand by her. It was funny to think that there was a living baby inside her; a baby who would one day grow into a person who loved and lived and had feelings just as she did. Suddenly she felt a fierce surge of love for her baby. She wanted to protect it, keep it and love it. It had every right to live and she wanted to hold it in her arms, a tiny warm living bundle.

"Baby," she whispered silently to herself. "My little baby."
Then suddenly Ray was shouting.
"Jump Jane, jump, jump!"

A terrible noise, a wrenching shock and then tearing pain screaming through her body, forcing itself through her mouth. A roaring black sea engulfed her and carried her away, far away where she was far beyond the reach of Ray, of anyone. Somewhere in the writhing agony of her mind she thought of her baby.
"My baby," she screamed. "I want you, I love you. My little baby."
Then an endless falling blackness and nothing.

***

When Alice arrived home nothing very much was said to her, so her parents must have believed her story about staying the night with Jane which, after all, was something she did quite often. They did not notice the love bites which Alice seemed to have successfully covered with makeup.
Then suddenly at about nine o’ clock the phone rang. It seemed to have an ominous, urgent tone about it. Mr Greenway answered it….

"Alice," he called from the hall. "It’s for you." She got up and took it from him.
"Hello, who’s that?"
"Alice, it’s Ray. We’ve – Christ – we’ve had an accident. I got off with just a few scratches but Jane – Jane’s ill, very ill. They don’t know if she’ll make it." His voice broke off and Alice stood staring at the phone, clutching onto the table for support.
"Oh no!" she gasped. "What happened? Where are you? She’s got to be all right – oh the baby….."
His voice came over the air sounding tinny and strange.

"She had a miscarriage – on the road, before the ambulance – it was horrible. I’ve just got to see you, can you come down? This dog ran across and I swerved and then there was this car – God it was terrible. I jumped, but Jane, she was too late. What if she dies? I will have killed her, me – killed her."
"Look, where are you. I’ll come at once."
"Gloucester General – oh do hurry up."
"Half an hour – I’ll be there." Putting down the phone she ran to her father.
"Please dad, take me to Gloucester Hospital. It’s Jane – they think she’s going to die."
Hardly before the car stopped, Alice had opened the door and run across to the hospital. She pushed open the heavy door and ran into the building. An efficient looking nurse came forward.
"Can I help you? Are you ill?"
"Jane, my friend. She’s dying, I had to come," the girl said wildly. "Her boyfriend Ray, where is he."
"I’m afraid you can’t see her yet," replied the nurse. "He’s waiting outside Ward 4. We’d like him to go home but he refuses – perhaps you could persuade him?"
"He loves her," said Alice. "He’s got to be near her." She hurried off following the signs to the ward.

Ray was standing alone in a big, empty corridor with his back to the door. He turned as soon as he heard Alice enter and she ran to him. They held one another tightly, Alice crying loudly and Ray unashamedly letting the tears roll from his deep brown eyes.
"We can’t see her," she sobbed. "I’ve got to in case ……."
"I’ve got to see her," said Ray, his voice shaking. "She doesn’t know how much, how very much I love her. I’ve got to tell her or she’ll never know. I’ll die without her, oh dear God, I love her so much." He sank into a chair, his head in his hands. After a while Alice ventured to ask where Jane’s parents were. Pete replied that they were at a friend’s house just around the corner as they had been told that they could do nothing just by waiting at the hospital.
"…..but I’ve got to stay," he finished vehemently. "She’s my girl, I’ve got to stay."
They sat silently for what seemed like eternity and then suddenly a nurse came hurrying in.
"I think you’d better come," was all she said.

"She’s dying," Ray said hopelessly. "She’s dying, my little girl’s dying."
They followed the nurse hastily along a green corridor smelling of disinfectant until they reached the door to the Ward. A doctor came over to them.
"She is beginning to come round. She’s calling for Ray, that’s you isn’t it son?"
He nodded briefly.
"And then she keeps saying ‘Alice, I love it, don’t let then take it away.’ We presume she is referring to the baby she lost. Are you Alice?"
"Yes," she gulped, looking at the big green screens around her bed.
"It would be reassuring for her to wake and find friends by her side. We have just contacted the parents who should be here very soon. I warn you it may not be very pleasant."
"I love her," was all that Ray said.
"Right then," said the doctor. "Come round this way."

She lay, head swathed in bandages, her face scratched and bruised, with her eyes closed in the big white bed.
"Oh God," whispered Alice. "Let her be all right." Ray just stood staring for a long time, and then he bent and gently kissed her.
After a few minutes she began to move her head restlessly from side to side.
"Ray – Ray – Ray," she moaned.
"I’m here darling," he said quietly.

"I love it, it’s mine, mine, mine." Her voice rose to a shout, and her eyes flickered open, stared unseeingly ahead, and then shut again. Alice helplessly touched her friend’s arm above the bandaged hand. She called out many times and yet never gazed at them sensibly however much they hoped. Ray sat down on a chair and rested his head wearily in his hands. Alice looked at him sadly. What if Jane died. She would lose her only really good, close friend and Ray would lose the girl he loved. It was unbearable. Suddenly a whisper broke the hushed atmosphere.

"Ray?" He raised his head quickly. Jane was looking at him, her eyes calm and normal once again.
"Jane, my darling, darling Jane. Can you really see me?"
"Yes." It was obviously a strain to speak.
"Don’t talk, just listen. I love you, really love you. You’ve got to know that. You’re going to get better now because I am going to look after you." He looked at her with eyes full of love.
"I love you" she murmured, then turned her eyes towards Alice. "I’ve lost my baby haven’t I?"
"Yes," she said quietly. "It was the best thing really I suppose."
"No, no. I loved my baby. I wanted to – to hold it just once, just once." Tears began to spill from her eyes. The doctor came forward.
"I think it would be best if you left now," he said. "You can see how tired she is and she must rest and not get upset if she is to recover. And her parents are about to arrive just for a quick visit."
Ray stood up, kissed Jane and then he and Alice left the ward.
"She knows I love her," he said almost to himself "so I can go now." They walked in silence over to the waiting room where Alice’s father was established with a cup of tea.
"We can go now," Alice told him. "Pete can’t be on his own. He’s going to stay with us."
"Jane came round, she spoke to us. There’s nothing more we can do," Ray told him, "except hope."

*****

Alice woke suddenly, she could not understand why. The night was very dark and silent. Then she heard the sound of her door creaking open and being shut quietly.
"Who is it?" she whispered.
"Ray. I had to come and talk to you." She felt, rather than saw him walk over to the bed where he sat down.
"I hope no-one comes," she said, "or there will be trouble!"
"I couldn’t sleep for thinking about Jane – and our baby. She kept saying she loved it – but earlier she was wanting to get rid of it. I don’t understand."
"Nor me," replied Alice whispering, for fear of waking her parents. "She never said anything to me about wanting to keep it. But I suppose it is different when suddenly you have no choice."
"You must think I’m terrible, getting her into trouble I mean."
"No. not at all. It could happen to any of us. A bit stupid maybe not to use anything but then it was Jane who asked you not to wasn’t it?"
Ray sounded a little embarrassed. "Yeah – she certainly told you everything then? He enquired, leaning back against the wall.
"Well – not everything but most of it."
"You and Pete," he said. "it was you two really that made me practically force her. I loved her and wanted her to be all mine, like you two were, you understand? But she just kept saying ‘no, it’s wrong, we mustn’t…."
"Just like Pete and me before we ran away," Alice chuckled.
"Yeah, Pete and I used to get so mad at you two, because it wasn’t just for kicks, we loved you. Anyway then one day I thought, it’s no good, she can’t love me or else she’d give me everything so I had a serious discussion. I mean it wasn’t as if we had only just met or anything, we’ve been together for 17 months now. Eventually she agreed but not completely…."
"I know," Alice broke in, "and it wasn’t any good and you both got angry."

"She really did tell you everything" Ray commented ruefully. "Anyway, you’re right, I went to bed, almost burning up I was and then suddenly she came in. I thought she would in the end. It was all right then!"


"Pete and I this morning – oh it was good," she shuddered a little at the memory of it. They were very close now, Alice lying over on one side of the bed, Ray half lying, half sitting beside her. He could see, very dimly, the silhouette of her face – upturned with lips parted slightly. He had been longing for Jane all night long, and here was a girl – not Jane it was true, but a girl who could comfort him. He knew she was also longing for Pete to be beside her.

"It’s lonely without them isn’t it?" he asked softly.

"Yes," she whispered back, "Oh yes." Her thoughts were whirling frantically. "he’s going to kiss me, take me – I mustn’t - I love Pete – he loves Jane – but oh I need someone to hold and it’s so lonely."

Suddenly he was kissing her – she fought to keep him off but her feelings, and his were too strong. His hands were hot and large – one minute she would cling tightly to him, the next she would struggle to get away.

"No Ray – no" she gasped. "Jane. Pete. Oh please stop."
Her words went unheeded but then suddenly Ray drew away from her.

"I’m so sorry Alice. I don’t know what made me do that."
She lay trying to regain her breath.
"It’s okay, I understand."

"You won’t say anything to Jane will you – or to Pete. He’d kill me."

"Of course not, it’s between you and me. We were both just in a state, hell of an emotional day. I’ll forget all about it now and so must you. Thank you for stopping because I love Pete and – well I don’t want to go with anyone else."

"And thanks for not letting me. We would have both hated ourselves afterwards." He stood up. "I’m going back to bed now. Goodnight Alice, and I really am sorry.
The door closed softly behind him, and Alice lay awake for a long time, staring into the dark night.

***

16. In Which Alice and Pete Get Down and Dirty, Jane Tells Ray he is About to be a Dad and Pete Looks Tall and Wonderful...

Episode 16

In Which Alice and Pete Get Down and Dirty, Jane Tells Ray he is About to be a Dad and Pete Looks Tall and Wonderful!
They were awoken by rain pattering on the windows. Alice stretched luxuriously in the big bed, yawning sleepily. Pete was raised on one elbow looking at he as she struggled to wake up.
"What are you looking at?" she asked. "Have I got a spot or something?"
"No," he smiled, "It was just so lovely to wake up with you by my side again. And you looked so sweet asleep, sort of innocent – believe it or not!"
"Innocent!" she exclaimed. "How could I possibly look innocent after last night?"
"I don’t know," he replied, brushing her hair back with his hand, and kissing her forehead softly. "But you did. And how are you going to explain away all those bites all over your neck seeing as you are supposed to have spent the night with Jane!"
Alice gasped.
"Christ, I’d forgotten about those. Whatever can I say?" She sat up and looked at herself in the dressing table mirror. "Heavens Pete, what were you doing – trying to eat me! Those down there don’t matter because they won’t be seen." Pete grinned as she said it. "But what about these all over my neck?"
"Get a long wig," Pete suggested, "Cut your head off or tell them you’re in love with Jane!"
"Thanks for being so helpful," she replied. "Actually you haven’t escaped quite unscathed either."
" I know," he laughed, "proper little vampire aren’t you?". She made her hands into claws and rolled her eyes at him, growling. He went to kiss her. The kiss started life playfully but then suddenly, to their surprise, changed into desire. They had not meant it to mean anything more than a kiss but it grew uncontrollable and left them rather bewildered.
"Christ!" said Alice. "How did that happen? Pete, kiss me again like that."
They clung to each other, their naked skin hot to the touch. A fierce unrelenting passion suddenly seized Pete, it held him in its grip, leaving him powerless to stop it. He groaned and moved his hand heavily down over her stomach.
"Pete, Pete" she murmured, "Oh God I love you. Don’t be gentle with me; fuck me, be rough with me. I don’t care, just give me everything, everything…."
The world closed around them red hot and pulsating.

***

A few hours later they were on the scooter heading towards Stroud. Alice was leaning against the back-rest feeling happier than she had done for a long time. Now she had Pete back again, loving her, nothing else mattered. It would not be too difficult to see him without her mother knowing, especially if she did not find out that he had returned home again. After all, she could not physically restrain her! She leaned forward and shouted to Pete.
"Let’s go up to Jane’s house" she said. "We’d better miss Stroud in case anyone sees us."
"Okay," he shouted back. "I’ll go up over Rodborough."
Within quarter of an hour they were pulling up outside Jane’s house. Alice had not yet told Pete that her friend was pregnant. Perhaps he would know what to do, he knew more about these things than she did.
"Ray’s here," remarked Alice as she saw the red and cream scooter already parked there. They went up the path and knocked on the door loudly. A bedroom window opened above them and Jane hung out.
"What!" exclaimed Pete in a shocked voice. "At this time in the afternoon."
"While the parents are away…." came a boy’s voice from the inside.
"Shut up!" said Jane withdrawing from the window, then she leant out and said, "Come in, the door’s open and we’ll be down in a minute." Her head vanished from view.
They opened the door and went into the living room where they were vociferously greeted by Jane’s two collie dogs.
"Steady on," said Alice firmly. "Down, get down." They sat on the settee and waited for the couple to come down. Within minutes, announced by a clatter on the stairs, Jane burst into the room followed closely by Ray.
Alice and Pete were in a rather ungainly position on the settee and they sat up hurriedly.
"You might knock," said Alice.
"It’s my house!" replied Jane. "I’ll do what I like. In fact I will remake that entrance." She and Ray went out of the room and returned a few seconds later to find Alice and Pete sitting on the settee, each reading newspapers with great interest.
"That’s better!" remarked Ray, sitting in an armchair and pulling Jane down onto his knee.
"Brilliant – you’re together again. When did you come back Pete?" asked Jane.
Pete briefly told them his story and then he and Ray began to discuss scooters so the two girls made a hurried retreat into the kitchen to make some tea. As soon as the door was shut safely behind them, Jane turned to Alice.
"I just can’t tell him" she said helplessly. "I’ve tried but I can’t. Does it show yet?"
She turned sideways and Alice scrutinised her carefully.
"No, not really," she replied after a minute or two. "If you didn’t know you wouldn’t notice. But it will start to show soon. You have to tell him. I’m sure he’ll stand by you."
"I just don’t know," she replied slowly. "That’s what I’m scared of. What if he doesn’t? And how do I tell my parents? What if they throw me out?"
"Well, then we’ll all help you as much as we can," said Alice firmly. "As soon as you’ve told Ray we can ask Pete what to do, he might be able to help."
"Not an abortion" replied Jane. "I’m not having one."
"I didn’t mean that," Alice said. "No, you mustn’t have an abortion, whatever happens. Pills or something perhaps."
"Yes" said her friend a little hesitantly. "I’d take them."
"But you must tell Ray now," urged Alice, "or else it’ll be too late to do anything."
Jane was silent for a minute and then she said slowly,
"All right then. I’ll tell him later. As soon as you’ve gone."
"Good girl," said Alice, squeezing her friend’s arm reassuringly. "I’m sure it will be all right. Now then, let’s make that tea."

***

They stood at the door waving to the scooter vanishing quickly into the distance and then they went inside together. Jane looked at Ray, his short black hair curling very gently at the tips no matter how hard he tried to stop it. She took a deep breath.
"Ray, I’ve got to talk to you." So the first move was made.
"Yeah love, what’s the matter?" he looked at her enquiringly. "You’ve not got fed up with me have you?"
"No, of course not. It’s not that. It’s – it’s," Oh God how could she tell him?

"I’m, I’m – going to have a baby." There it was done. She had said it. She stared at him defiantly. He looked at her, the colour draining from his face. For a second he wanted to hit her, hurt her, force her to take those awful words back. Then compassion flooded through him. Poor kid, the poor, poor kid. No wonder she’d been acting strange recently. How scared she must have been all the time, scared of what would happen to her, scared of what her parents would do, and most of all scared that he would walk away and leave her.
"I’m not leaving," he said firmly. "I love you. It’s my fault. I suppose it was at that party?"
She was trembling with relief now.
"Yes, yes it was" she said and began to cry. She stood there shaking with sobs.
He looked at her tenderly, she was so young and he had done this to her. He moved quickly towards her and put his hands on her shoulders, steadying her. She raised a tearstained face and he gently wiped the tears away.

"Ray, I’ve been so scared. I thought you’d leave me. I was so frightened you would." She clung to him tightly and buried her face in his shoulder. Although the tears still came she felt much better now that she had told him and the tears were mainly of relief.
"We’ll have to think about our future now." Ray said, gazing unseeingly out of the window. "Do you want to get married?"

"I, I don’t know," she murmured. "I love you – but college and everything. I thought perhaps those pills you can get might work – or something. And it’s not the right basis for getting married. You’d grow to hate me for tying you down so early."
"I’m glad you said that," he replied, looking down at her golden brown hair.

"I’ll try and get some pills but don’t be too hopeful will you? We’ll just go on going out with each other and then maybe in a few years, if we still feel the same, we can get married, properly because we love each other, not because we have to."
"I’m glad you understand," she said quietly, looking at him. "Alice said you wouldn’t leave me. I’m glad she was right because I love you."

"In spite of everything?" he asked seriously.

"In spite of everything," she repeated, holding him closely.

Pete and Alice parted company at the bus stop. It would be safer than him taking her home and risking being seen. They clung to each other without saying much, they needed no words to express their feelings for each other.
"I’ll see you in Stroud tomorrow at seven," Pete told her as the bus came into sight.
"I’ll be there," replied Alice. "Oh I hate leaving you like this, not knowing for sure that I’ll see you again. What if they guess and I’m not allowed out?"

"Don’t worry until you’ve got reason to," he said as the bus drew up beside them emptying out a stream of fat women clutching shopping baskets. "We’ve got each other back, that’s the main thing." He grinned at her cheekily. "And keep your neck well hidden if you want to get away with it!".
He kissed her quickly and then she was gone from him. The bell rang and the bus drew ponderously away. He gazed after it for a while and then turned in the direction of home.
Alice watched him standing there, tall and wonderful beside his Vespa. How she loved him. She wondered how much he loved her, if it was as deep as the feelings she had for him. Then the bus rounded a bend and he was gone. She began to worry about what would happen when she got home, and also wondered if Jane had told Ray yet. Life was getting very complicated she thought ruefully.

***

to be continued .........

15. In Which Pete Becomes Poetic in Cornwall, Alice Goes Shopping and Finds Happiness, a Small, Nearly Bald Man and a Bouncy Bed!!

Episode 15

In Which Pete Becomes Poetic in Cornwall, Alice Goes Shopping and Finds Happiness, a Small, Nearly Bald Man and a Bouncy Bed!

Almost two months later a young man was wandering along the beaches of Cornwall, a girl by his side. She chattered happily to him but he was silent except for an occasional ‘Yes’ or ‘No’.
"……and then, do you know what he said?" She stopped and sighed as she looked at him.
"Pete you’re not listening at all are you? What do you think of all the time, why do you always look so sad. You are a strange one, where did you come from? I don’t understand you, no-one does."
He turned to face her.
"There is someone who understands," he answered quietly. "Someone I’ve tried to forget."
She looked at him sadly.
"A girl?"
"Yes," he replied simply. There was no need for explanations, they both knew that this was the end.
"I’m sorry," he said taking her hands in his. "I know you love me – maybe once upon a time I could have loved you. I have to go back home – to find out, to try to understand. Maybe I’ll come back but you mustn’t wait for me. No-one must for I’ll always belong to her." He cupped her face in his hands. The tears spilled out from under her long, dark lashes.
"I’ll remember you. Go Pete, go and wipe the sadness from your face and the sorrow from your eyes – before I beg you to stay. I knew you would leave."
He kissed her tenderly for the last time and then she pushed him from her, smiling through the tears.
"Be happy, please be happy my darling," she said and then turned and ran from him. He stood watching her go until she was just a dark fleeing spot in the distance and then he, too, turned in the opposite direction and walked away. He was going home.
Pete had changed in the last two months. He was now silent and sad looking. When he did speak his words were quiet and almost poetic. His eyes contained a great, deep sorrow, which always seemed the most noticeable feature about him. He had learned a lot as well. He had walked beneath the stars accompanied by a terrible loneliness that ached across the sky. He had met other wanderers and they had talked about love and religion and a thousand other subjects. Pete had not said much, but he had listened and when he did speak it was usually of some value to the conversation.
Now he walked with a lighter step towards his faithful Vespa and within minutes was homeward bound.
From a high, rocky hill covered with green, springy grass a girl watched him go, her long black hair blowing in the wind, the tears splashing to the ground easing the ache in her empty heart. Slowly she turned and climbed down towards the pink and white houses clustered around the white crested sea.

***

"I want to go and buy some new clothes," Alice told her father, "and Gloucester is the best place for shopping – but she probably won’t let me go in case I see anyone who was anything to do with Pete. He’s – he’s gone now so surely I can go?"
"I don’t see why not," he answered. "Can’t you forgive your mother?" he added on a sudden impulse. "She only thought she was doing the best for you."
"Best!" Alice gave a laconic snort. "I still love Pete, and she took us apart. Besides, there is something else. I can’t tell you but it was a terrible thing to do. No I can’t forgive her – ever!"
Her father sighed. He could not blame his daughter though, you could not blame anyone for loving someone.
Alice left the house. For the past week she had felt that she must go to Gloucester. Luckily she had some money saved up as an excuse for going to buy clothes. She caught the bus and felt a thrill of unexplained excitement as the big green vehicle drew near to the city. Only she and Jane knew how much she had been missing Pete the nine weeks or so he had been gone. The days were endless, hopelessly running one into the other in a never-ending stream. And the nights passed in an agony of longing and pain, which could not be suppressed or quenched. What was he doing? Who was he with? She had tried so hard to find where he had gone but with no luck. No-body knew, not many were concerned or cared. It was a huge success for her mother. Alice had never told her that she knew about the letter, so she was still ignorant of what it was that Pete had done. She did not care though, all she wanted was Pete back, loving her.
The bus passed his house and she could not hold back a small, low cry that escaped from her lips as she remembered all the good times they had spent there. It was the first time she had been to Gloucester since being brought back from Torquay and when she got off the bus she could not help looking expectantly around her to find him, as they had often met in the bus station before he had the Vespa. But no Pete came rushing to meet her. Women with baskets bustled around her, boys stood in groups, smoking as they always had done, watching the girls in giggling, shrieking groups pass by.
Each step recalled a different memory for the girl. The Bon Marché from where they had often been unceremoniously thrown out; the cinema where they had snogged frantically in the back row; the theatre where they had seen The Spencer Davis Group, The Stones, The Small Faces and many other favourites; the Ace where they often spent their evenings dancing with the other mods to the exciting, atmospheric music. Then, suddenly, she was in the Park. How she got there she could not remember, but she was there, the place she had most wanted to avoid as it contained the sweetest, most heart piercing memories. The tears ran from her eyes as she walked alone through the blossoming trees and sweet scented flowers. The pain was the worst she had known, the utter hopelessness of her position flooded over her. She would never find him, he had gone forever.
"Pete" she called silently from her breaking heart. "How can I bear it?" She closed her eyes to try and shut out the pain and loneliness and was enclosed in a dark whirling pool of stars and heartache. When the worst of the pain passed she opened her eyes again and decided to leave the park. It brought her too much sorrow.
People stared at her curiously, her eyes wet, the sadness in her face. She walked past them all unseeingly; the old age pensioners enjoying the sun, which they might never see again; the proud mothers pushing their babies in the big, black shiny prams; couples hand in hand with love; children playing ball and – oh God! A tall blond boy in mod clothes, walking towards her, head bent, hands in his pockets. Her heart and feet stopped, for a moment she died of pure joy and then she was running, flying towards him, stumbling and calling, reaching him – oh dear blessed God, holding him, kissing him, his hair, his face, his arms holding her so tight.
"Pete, oh my darling Pete." The tears stopped her trembling voice, stopped the questions, the answers – but not stopping her love.
"Alice, I knew it couldn’t be true. I couldn’t believe it. I had to come back to see."
They wandered through the park together explaining, forgiving, loving and finding happiness again. It seemed to Alice that all the long lonely weeks without him were but a dream, now ended and over. He told her what had happened on the fateful night, when he had taken the innocent looking French Blues. She forgave him without even thinking about it. She told him why she had not received his letter and the deceitful, wicked thing her mother had done. He told her of how he had felt, how he had wandered around the seaside towns, that he had met a girl who had loved him. But he knew he could not stay with her and had to go home to find his Alice.
"I can’t go home tonight Pete," she said. "I’ve wanted you for such a long time I’m not just going to turn around and go home now that I have found you. I’ll ring up and tell them that I’ve met Jane and that I’m staying with her. They probably won’t believe me but I just don’t care. I’ve just got to have you again, hold you through the night."
"I’m glad" replied Pete quietly. "It’s been so long. We can go to George’s house because he is alone for a few days. He owes me one anyway, under the circumstances. Is that okay?"
"Anything’s all right as long as you’re there" she said softly. "Oh, how I’ve missed you."
They spent the remainder of the day walking hand in hand through the old friendly city, lost in love and happiness. Alice bought a skirt to keep up the pretence of shopping. They came to a jeweller’s shop and Pete stopped her. Together they looked at the array of shining rings.
"In a month’s time I’ll be able to buy you one," he said happily. "What sort do you want?" She looked with sparkling eyes at the winking rainbows darting from the rings.
"Oh, they are all lovely," she breathed. "I don’t know - diamonds, I love diamonds. Oh look, that one, it’s lovely, beautiful."
The ring, a small band of tiny glittering stones gleamed at them.
"Yes, I agree," said Pete. "That one would look lovely on your long fingers." He raised her hand to his mouth and kissed it gently.
"Oh!" Alice said, "It’s twenty five guineas. That’s an awful lot – I mean…"
Pete laughed.
"Don’t worry about the money. I’ve been doing bits and pieces while I was away. I’ll get the rest somehow. No, I don’t mean it to sound like that! I was going up to thirty quid anyway so we’re well within the limit. Let’s go in and you can try it on."
They entered the shop, which seemed like a pirate’s hoard. Jewels glittered from all directions. A small, nearly bald man came scurrying out to serve them. Alice tried the ring on. It was a perfect fit, she had known it would be. It had been made just for her, fashioned by gnomes in the deepest caverns of the earth. It lay sparkling on her slender finger. She hated having to take it off and watched as the man put it carefully away in a box and marked it ‘Wheeler’.
"Mrs Jennie Wheeler," she whispered secretly to herself. It sounded good, very good.
They wandered slowly down the streets, enclosed in darkness, which was kept at bay by the brightly lit shop windows. Pete bought some chips from a small crowded fish and chip shop, served to him by a fat, jolly woman who laughed and called them both ‘ducks’. The chips, eaten from warm greasy newspapers, tasted as good as chicken as they were both happy, hungry and very much in love which was a very healthy mixture to be.
At about 10.30 they went to George’s house. He was in the lounge desperately trying to persuade a girl to stay the night with him.
"Oh, hi Pete. Alice. Hey haven’t seen you for ages have I?"
"No. It’s good to be back," she said with feeling.
"Can we stay the night here?" Pete asked. "We’ll be good as gold – and I reckon you owe me a favour."
George looked slightly abashed, having heard from Miff the mayhem caused by selling Pete the drugs that night.
"Yeah, that’s okay mate. Just don’t go in my room, I’m hoping to use that later." He gave his girl a meaningful glance.
"Thanks George, goodnight everyone, sweet dreams," called Alice already halfway up the stairs.
"Eager isn’t she?" they heard George remark. "Now why can’t you be more like that?"
Whether she was they never knew!

***

The bedroom was small but cheerfully decorated in red and pale pink flowered wallpaper. Alice jumped on the bed.
"Lovely and bouncy!" she commented, laughing. Then her laughter died. She got off the bed and went over to Pete.
"You are happy aren’t you Pete?" she asked a little tremulously. "You’ve changed you know, I’m not sure how, but you have. You look sadder I think. Oh, you do still love me don’t you?" Her voice shook a little. He looked at her tenderly.
"Of course I love you idiot!" he answered her. "I look sad because I’ve been sad for a long time without you, but now I feel so happy I just don’t know how to show it. You mustn’t ever doubt that I love you, never. Understand?"
"I’m sorry you were unhappy," said Alice. "I was too, I thought I’d never see you again and I couldn’t understand why. I hate my mother – hate her for what she did. She still doesn’t know that I found out about the letter."
"Forget her for tonight Alice," he said, kissing her. "Forget about everyone. There is just us tonight, just you and me."
She clung to him, her nails biting into his back, her breath coming short and fast.
"If you knew how much – oh Pete, how much I’ve wanted you, so very much."
"I know," he said as they fell onto the bed, "I’ve felt it too."

***

In Which Pete Becomes Poetic in Cornwall, Alice Goes Shopping and Finds Happiness, a Small, Nearly Bald Man and a Bouncy Bed.

Episode 15

In Which Pete Becomes Poetic in Cornwall, Alice Goes Shopping and Finds Happiness, a Small, Nearly Bald Man and a Bouncy Bed!

Almost two months later a young man was wandering along the beaches of Cornwall, a girl by his side. She chattered happily to him but he was silent except for an occasional ‘Yes’ or ‘No’.
"……and then, do you know what he said?" She stopped and sighed as she looked at him.
"Pete you’re not listening at all are you? What do you think of all the time, why do you always look so sad. You are a strange one, where did you come from? I don’t understand you, no-one does."
He turned to face her.
"There is someone who understands," he answered quietly. "Someone I’ve tried to forget."
She looked at him sadly.
"A girl?"
"Yes," he replied simply. There was no need for explanations, they both knew that this was the end.
"I’m sorry," he said taking her hands in his. "I know you love me – maybe once upon a time I could have loved you. I have to go back home – to find out, to try to understand. Maybe I’ll come back but you mustn’t wait for me. No-one must for I’ll always belong to her." He cupped her face in his hands. The tears spilled out from under her long, dark lashes.
"I’ll remember you. Go Pete, go and wipe the sadness from your face and the sorrow from your eyes – before I beg you to stay. I knew you would leave."
He kissed her tenderly for the last time and then she pushed him from her, smiling through the tears.
"Be happy, please be happy my darling," she said and then turned and ran from him. He stood watching her go until she was just a dark fleeing spot in the distance and then he, too, turned in the opposite direction and walked away. He was going home.
Pete had changed in the last two months. He was now silent and sad looking. When he did speak his words were quiet and almost poetic. His eyes contained a great, deep sorrow, which always seemed the most noticeable feature about him. He had learned a lot as well. He had walked beneath the stars accompanied by a terrible loneliness that ached across the sky. He had met other wanderers and they had talked about love and religion and a thousand other subjects. Pete had not said much, but he had listened and when he did speak it was usually of some value to the conversation.
Now he walked with a lighter step towards his faithful Vespa and within minutes was homeward bound.
From a high, rocky hill covered with green, springy grass a girl watched him go, her long black hair blowing in the wind, the tears splashing to the ground easing the ache in her empty heart. Slowly she turned and climbed down towards the pink and white houses clustered around the white crested sea.

***

"I want to go and buy some new clothes," Alice told her father, "and Gloucester is the best place for shopping – but she probably won’t let me go in case I see anyone who was anything to do with Pete. He’s – he’s gone now so surely I can go?"
"I don’t see why not," he answered. "Can’t you forgive your mother?" he added on a sudden impulse. "She only thought she was doing the best for you."
"Best!" Alice gave a laconic snort. "I still love Pete, and she took us apart. Besides, there is something else. I can’t tell you but it was a terrible thing to do. No I can’t forgive her – ever!"
Her father sighed. He could not blame his daughter though, you could not blame anyone for loving someone.
Alice left the house. For the past week she had felt that she must go to Gloucester. Luckily she had some money saved up as an excuse for going to buy clothes. She caught the bus and felt a thrill of unexplained excitement as the big green vehicle drew near to the city. Only she and Jane knew how much she had been missing Pete the nine weeks or so he had been gone. The days were endless, hopelessly running one into the other in a never-ending stream. And the nights passed in an agony of longing and pain, which could not be suppressed or quenched. What was he doing? Who was he with? She had tried so hard to find where he had gone but with no luck. No-body knew, not many were concerned or cared. It was a huge success for her mother. Alice had never told her that she knew about the letter, so she was still ignorant of what it was that Pete had done. She did not care though, all she wanted was Pete back, loving her.
The bus passed his house and she could not hold back a small, low cry that escaped from her lips as she remembered all the good times they had spent there. It was the first time she had been to Gloucester since being brought back from Torquay and when she got off the bus she could not help looking expectantly around her to find him, as they had often met in the bus station before he had the Vespa. But no Pete came rushing to meet her. Women with baskets bustled around her, boys stood in groups, smoking as they always had done, watching the girls in giggling, shrieking groups pass by.
Each step recalled a different memory for the girl. The Bon Marché from where they had often been unceremoniously thrown out; the cinema where they had snogged frantically in the back row; the theatre where they had seen The Spencer Davis Group, The Stones, The Small Faces and many other favourites; the Ace where they often spent their evenings dancing with the other mods to the exciting, atmospheric music. Then, suddenly, she was in the Park. How she got there she could not remember, but she was there, the place she had most wanted to avoid as it contained the sweetest, most heart piercing memories. The tears ran from her eyes as she walked alone through the blossoming trees and sweet scented flowers. The pain was the worst she had known, the utter hopelessness of her position flooded over her. She would never find him, he had gone forever.
"Pete" she called silently from her breaking heart. "How can I bear it?" She closed her eyes to try and shut out the pain and loneliness and was enclosed in a dark whirling pool of stars and heartache. When the worst of the pain passed she opened her eyes again and decided to leave the park. It brought her too much sorrow.
People stared at her curiously, her eyes wet, the sadness in her face. She walked past them all unseeingly; the old age pensioners enjoying the sun, which they might never see again; the proud mothers pushing their babies in the big, black shiny prams; couples hand in hand with love; children playing ball and – oh God! A tall blond boy in mod clothes, walking towards her, head bent, hands in his pockets. Her heart and feet stopped, for a moment she died of pure joy and then she was running, flying towards him, stumbling and calling, reaching him – oh dear blessed God, holding him, kissing him, his hair, his face, his arms holding her so tight.
"Pete, oh my darling Pete." The tears stopped her trembling voice, stopped the questions, the answers – but not stopping her love.
"Alice, I knew it couldn’t be true. I couldn’t believe it. I had to come back to see."
They wandered through the park together explaining, forgiving, loving and finding happiness again. It seemed to Alice that all the long lonely weeks without him were but a dream, now ended and over. He told her what had happened on the fateful night, when he had taken the innocent looking French Blues. She forgave him without even thinking about it. She told him why she had not received his letter and the deceitful, wicked thing her mother had done. He told her of how he had felt, how he had wandered around the seaside towns, that he had met a girl who had loved him. But he knew he could not stay with her and had to go home to find his Alice.
"I can’t go home tonight Pete," she said. "I’ve wanted you for such a long time I’m not just going to turn around and go home now that I have found you. I’ll ring up and tell them that I’ve met Jane and that I’m staying with her. They probably won’t believe me but I just don’t care. I’ve just got to have you again, hold you through the night."
"I’m glad" replied Pete quietly. "It’s been so long. We can go to George’s house because he is alone for a few days. He owes me one anyway, under the circumstances. Is that okay?"
"Anything’s all right as long as you’re there" she said softly. "Oh, how I’ve missed you."
They spent the remainder of the day walking hand in hand through the old friendly city, lost in love and happiness. Alice bought a skirt to keep up the pretence of shopping. They came to a jeweller’s shop and Pete stopped her. Together they looked at the array of shining rings.
"In a month’s time I’ll be able to buy you one," he said happily. "What sort do you want?" She looked with sparkling eyes at the winking rainbows darting from the rings.
"Oh, they are all lovely," she breathed. "I don’t know - diamonds, I love diamonds. Oh look, that one, it’s lovely, beautiful."
The ring, a small band of tiny glittering stones gleamed at them.
"Yes, I agree," said Pete. "That one would look lovely on your long fingers." He raised her hand to his mouth and kissed it gently.
"Oh!" Alice said, "It’s twenty five guineas. That’s an awful lot – I mean…"
Pete laughed.
"Don’t worry about the money. I’ve been doing bits and pieces while I was away. I’ll get the rest somehow. No, I don’t mean it to sound like that! I was going up to thirty quid anyway so we’re well within the limit. Let’s go in and you can try it on."
They entered the shop, which seemed like a pirate’s hoard. Jewels glittered from all directions. A small, nearly bald man came scurrying out to serve them. Alice tried the ring on. It was a perfect fit, she had known it would be. It had been made just for her, fashioned by gnomes in the deepest caverns of the earth. It lay sparkling on her slender finger. She hated having to take it off and watched as the man put it carefully away in a box and marked it ‘Wheeler’.
"Mrs Jennie Wheeler," she whispered secretly to herself. It sounded good, very good.
They wandered slowly down the streets, enclosed in darkness, which was kept at bay by the brightly lit shop windows. Pete bought some chips from a small crowded fish and chip shop, served to him by a fat, jolly woman who laughed and called them both ‘ducks’. The chips, eaten from warm greasy newspapers, tasted as good as chicken as they were both happy, hungry and very much in love which was a very healthy mixture to be.
At about 10.30 they went to George’s house. He was in the lounge desperately trying to persuade a girl to stay the night with him.
"Oh, hi Pete. Alice. Hey haven’t seen you for ages have I?"
"No. It’s good to be back," she said with feeling.
"Can we stay the night here?" Pete asked. "We’ll be good as gold – and I reckon you owe me a favour."
George looked slightly abashed, having heard from Miff the mayhem caused by selling Pete the drugs that night.
"Yeah, that’s okay mate. Just don’t go in my room, I’m hoping to use that later." He gave his girl a meaningful glance.
"Thanks George, goodnight everyone, sweet dreams," called Alice already halfway up the stairs.
"Eager isn’t she?" they heard George remark. "Now why can’t you be more like that?"
Whether she was they never knew!

***

The bedroom was small but cheerfully decorated in red and pale pink flowered wallpaper. Alice jumped on the bed.
"Lovely and bouncy!" she commented, laughing. Then her laughter died. She got off the bed and went over to Pete.
"You are happy aren’t you Pete?" she asked a little tremulously. "You’ve changed you know, I’m not sure how, but you have. You look sadder I think. Oh, you do still love me don’t you?" Her voice shook a little. He looked at her tenderly.
"Of course I love you idiot!" he answered her. "I look sad because I’ve been sad for a long time without you, but now I feel so happy I just don’t know how to show it. You mustn’t ever doubt that I love you, never. Understand?"
"I’m sorry you were unhappy," said Alice. "I was too, I thought I’d never see you again and I couldn’t understand why. I hate my mother – hate her for what she did. She still doesn’t know that I found out about the letter."
"Forget her for tonight Alice," he said, kissing her. "Forget about everyone. There is just us tonight, just you and me."
She clung to him, her nails biting into his back, her breath coming short and fast.
"If you knew how much – oh Pete, how much I’ve wanted you, so very much."
"I know," he said as they fell onto the bed, "I’ve felt it too."

***